Seems quite far-fetched that in a world where happiness is one of the most advertised emotions, most people would do so many things -assisted by their mind- to diminish their own welfare and end up laying the blame on other external factors for their perpetual deficit of bliss.
I have done the same for long time and I must say I still do it nowadays, with the difference that I now have an impetuous will to conquer the North of my being and try to live in harmony and peace with myself, in order to achieve the same in the outer world.
I know how vicious we can be with our self talk and how we find ourselves squandered in this Merry-Go-Round of illusions.
The brain has clear instructions to secure ourselves; we share the same DNA with our ancestors that were striving for their survival. Fear is a natural instinct and our wit is exploiting it, creating reactions take might not lead to the most beneficial circumstances. Because of our nature, we end up befriending an emotion that only stops us from living the life we deserve.
I have not yet found all my answers but some of them have been refined through my own clash with my need of control, inner demons, anxieties, strong negative emotions and a whole set of emotional disorders. Some time back, I wrote a letter to myself and now I tried to extend and adapt it to environmental changes.
Here are my 5 things that I have felt interfering with my process of self growth :
1 . Let other people tell you how skinny/fat/ugly/ focused/ talkative/ nonsense/dramatic/ useless/day dreamer/ lazy (fill in the blanks) you are.
Yes, you are not flawless and you will never be. You are you and you have to learn how to live with your imperfections while establishing yourself as a resourceful individual of this society. We are all here to learn, to experience and to have a little bit of fun. You may get things wrong sometimes, you will end up hurting people, you will hurt yourself and you will make so many bad choices throughout your life. Not everyone will have a common taste with you and not all will approve your steps. You will fail to complete many of your goals and you may even lose your identity in the process of growing; you will lose yourself and rebuild yourself from scratch. You will leave behind friendships and love stories that you could have swore you would be living forever. But that is how life is going and you need to accept it. And so do people around you. Give them the chance to express themselves and share their thoughts without letting them to determine you to come down to those ideas. Take out whatever vibrates with your own frequency and your own process of learning.
No matter what: you are worthy and you have the right to start all over again as many times as you wish to. Let no one to define who you are or what you can do.
2.Sacrifice your authenticity in order to feed other people’s ego.
We fail and people around us fail. Some can deal with collapse and some just need a supplement to prove themselves that they actually did not fail. They will find the weakest root and they will try to manipulate its growth. They need something to prove themselves that they can still do it. Yes, people do that!
They have a sense of empowerment when they see they can mould someone that seems weaker, into something that might fit their taste. It gives them a self respect and raises their ego.
Hold onto your values and your principles and keep the right amount of flexibility and openness. There is nothing more precious in this life than you. Nothing around you would exist in this form if you wouldn’t be born. Your existence matters and you bring balance to your surroundings. If you always keep on submitting to foreign ideas, then you will end up being a void that can be always filled with other people’s concepts. Do what is right for you and give no one control over your persona .
Please, please, please… give yourself the time to meditate on who you are, what you love and what can you do in order to grow into a being that will serve its ultimate goal. Be your best friend.
3.Cling to the idea that people owe you something.
As hard as this sounds, it is always your problem and your responsibility. Life might deal you a really bad hand and we both know it is not because of a lapse of yours, but that really does not matter. All those people who have hurt you, left you, died on you, compromised you, disappointed you, are just some divisions pulled out of a universal structure, in order for you to reach enlightenment and wisdom. If you are in pain, it is solely your responsibility to fix that and no one owes you anything. Not even your family.
People come and go. They serve a certain assignment in our life and they might be there for a season, for half life or till your culmination. You will eventually share a life with them and do your very best to make their existence happy. That is a personal choice and you are only giving because you have already a full cup. The help that we might receive in exchange, should not be the fuel of our actions. Whatever you receive, as little as it is, just embrace it and be really grateful for it. We will always meet people and people: some will share the same values with you and be committed to being kind and giving, other will just try to fill in their bottomless pots with all the resources that may be received from the first mentioned category. Your challenge is to understand that our process of growth is happening at different timings: while others learn their lessons early in life, some will be slowly progressing to their awakening.
Nonetheless , it is up to you to have a good life. You should never tolerate a negative situation or state of mind just because you can blame someone else for it. Sometimes we have to fix those things that other people ruin in our lives.
4.Blame past circumstances for your future circumstances.
For some reasons that we have yet to learn, some are born drinking from a gold cup while others are born under the sign of so much lack of serendipity.
I still wonder if all this has been destined for us since the beginning of time or we are all wanderers who can go and pursue answers and a better nemesis.
Through my spiritual practices, I have learnt that we must not overthink it and instead, just accept whatever it is there for us to live; our only task is to try to be good, to share good thoughts and good words to the world while building ourselves a life with the resources that we have received, trying to humbly seek for more and challenge ourselves to be better. No matter what past we might have had, no matter how difficult it was for us to strive and how unfortunate we might have felt, we are here today and we have all the chances to make it work. Your freedom is the biggest gift that you will ever get and that is something that cannot be taken away from you.
Your life is your life and there will always be a small light at the end of the tunnel. Greater forces are ready to help you and to serve you. Happiness is a choice, not something that can be purchased from the store along with other commodities. It is the realisation that we are just travellers that can sparkle under the sky of so many desires that are waiting to be fulfilled.
Some things are not in our control, but we will always have the ability to learn and reinvent ourselves, to discover the world that surrounds us and be amazed by its beauty.
5.Trust blindly an idea just because it resonated with your ancestors beliefs.
Listen always to what the Gold Age has to tell you because they might have been numerous times in your situation. They are to be respected, cherished and taken care of. But other than being someone’s grandson, son and later on in life partner, husband and father … you are an individual, a soul who has the right to seek for its identity and find his ultimate goal. See what works for you, what resonates with you and what makes you share high vibes with those that surround you. Make art out of your life, discover and give yourself the freedom to experience and express yourself. You might share some of the beliefs with your family members while others might just not define you. Do not let yourself trapped in the convenience of a life that has been already designed for you according to your culture, religion etc. I know that this is a huge challenge but I believe it is worth all the effort since it can be influencing your entire existence. You want to live what you are and be happy. You want to seek within and follow that, despite of the fact that some will not agree with you.
There are, of course, so many more things that we do and end up living a life that is not as comfortable as we would like. Other than our own thinking, there are always things that crash into us without notification and we have no control over them, as I previously mentioned . But some of them are in our reach and it is our duty to ask questions, find answers and discipline ourselves in order to become the best version we can be . I know that is has become a cliche but … Life is indeed short ! I look at my seasons melting from me, I enjoy sunsets that take away one more day and I delay thinking so much about my life because there is always time to do so. Is it ? Do we really have all the time in the world ?