Affair with Life

When being good is as bad as being bad

My night in complete inner silence.
Far away from clutter.
Under the gentle voice of compassion. For myself first.

I watched recently Good Will HuntingI have seen it years ago but at that time I little understood the unspoken script, the words that would meet in a Universe of glimpses and the story that can be perceived from so many perspectives.

“It’s not your fault” are few intense words that dragged me into my corner of guilt and made me confront my own inability to forgive errors that I have commited or others have commited, long before I was born or long before I have met them.

I carried on my chest mountains of pain, felt useless and small in front of a world that seemed to crush my every intention to heal wounds and comfort souls.
I struggled many times trying to walk other people’s journey of suffering, thinking I am mightier and I would save them from a frenetic drive. I spent countless hours, effort and nerves trying to help those who didn’t want to help themselves.

It took me years of my youth to realise that no one can save no one and no one is at fault for another’s pain. Suffering is an intimate process, a road that can take the wanderer from lust to wisdom, from cowardice to a brave spirit; suffering is a self journey.
We are, sometimes, given the honour to alleviate pain but nothing more. Each is responsible for the way they carry their life, make their choices and walk their walk.

It’s not my fault when people want to build their castle using clay instead of stone.
It’s not my fault when they refuse to pull themselves from their own misery.
It’s not my fault when things that grow the spirit are dull for them.
It’s not my fault when they see fall as a cranky, lone wolf while I feel it as a colourful, ripe, vibrant goddess.

It’s not my fault when others ruined it for themselves. It’s not my fault when others tried to ruin it for me. It will be my fault if I will do nothing about the second. 

Shout out to everyone transcending a mindset, mentality, desire, belief,emotion, habit, behavior or vibration,that no longer serves them.

Lalah Dalia


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